When we’d met with our doctor, the week prior, she’d suggested introducing Jimmy’s DNA, so that when a pregnancy did occur, Tara’s body would haven’t have an immune response. We learned that this can happen when sperm daddies aren’t sexual partners. So, previously on Friday, we introduced Jimmy’s sperm vaginally, but on Sunday that wasn’t option due to menstruation, so it was time for our plan-b.
After some conversation we decided that this story was best presented from Tara’s perspective since it was her experience. Marina has added a few remarks at the end but they speak more to the overall experience.
I think everyone was a little nervous because they kept checking-in with me on how I was going to do this if it wasn’t a vaginal introduction. I think their inquiries were both an emotional and physical check in. And honestly, since this was the first time I’d ever swallowed a man’s semen, I had some anxious energy in the days leading up to it.
At the last minute I decided that I was just going to take it down-the-hatch like a good old fashioned shots, shots, SHOTS!
It was time. Marina grabbed three shot glasses. Handed one to Jimmy and filled the other two with whiskey. Jimmy disappeared and I queued up the appropriate music (LMFAO – Shots) and then waited anxiously for my time. I think I felt like I was back in college when Jimmy strolled across the room with that glass. It was like he was bring me a shot from the bar– mischievous grin and all. This one was his own personal concoction.
He passed me my shot. Marina handed him his whisky. And both of them looked at me. I said, “Cheers?” with some hesitation. And 1-2-3… we aaaaaalmost put it down the hatch. Well, Marina and Jimmy did, but somehow my glass was still full and sitting there in my hand. Once again, glasses rose up, and once again, a feeble “cheers?” … and a little peer pressure… and I tossed it back.
I sat there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do next when Marina jumped on top of me and kissed me. Her kiss broke the weird feeling I’d been carrying from this experience and the aftereffects of the shocking shot to my system. We hugged, kissed and then she playfully smacked my cheek before bounding off to look at the images she’d been capturing in the background.
As I stop to reflect, I know I was able to make it through the experience because it was wasn’t a sexual act. I know that some of the anxiety came from feeling like it pushed my identity as a butch lesbian, and that feeling continues to arise as I sort through gender norms on this continued journey toward carrying a child. Overall, I felt okay about the experience since I felt like it was driven by science, or medicine, or something along those lines… at the end of the day, I thought it was well worth it for the cause.
Jimmy concluded the festivities by asking if we could put the peaceful piano music back on. We ended our evening by playing basketball together in the game room. All-in-all, not a bad deal.
One thing that really stood out to me about this round of DNA introduction was how nice it felt to include Jimmy. In the previous introduction, on Friday, Tara and I shared a really intimate, loving moment around the insemination while Jimmy was in the living room.
I feel lot of love and gratitude for who Jimmy is, and the role he’s playing in this family, so it was nice to share those fun minutes of whiskey, loud music, and nervous Tara with him. I would even be so bold as to say it was an intimate experience– just a fun new manifestation of such.