Fun things we learned from the Doctor

drawing of sperm wearing sunglasses and military style hat and carrying gun

Last night Tara, Jimmy and I logged on for our first tele health medical appointment. Initially we reached out to Bloom Natural Clinic, in Portland Oregon but they referred us to Stefani Hayes at Kwanyin Healting Arts, since we’re interested in doing home insemination with live sperm.

Our visit with Dr Stefani was beyond amazing. She was kind, supportive, open and patient. In the almost two-hour appointment, we never once felt rushed or worried about asking a “silly” question about our home insemination or fertility journey. She started with checking the pronunciation of our names, and then checked-in on our preferred pronouns. Pronoun checks: always a win.

She gave us a ton of valuable information… but these little golden nuggets of were our favorite:

Careful: We don’t want a two-for deal

  • Its important that Marina is on birth control during the home insemination process so that she doesn’t accidentally get pregnant. (oh. dang. But it makes sense since they recommend that Tara has an orgasm after insemination, which likely means nudity, closeness. And… well… the lab work shows that Jimmy has very happy (active) sperm. And you may or may not know this, but sperm can live in the vagina for up to five days.) The look on Jimmy’s face was absolutely priceless with horror at the thought of a two-for- deal.

Taste the Rainbow

  • Even if Tara isn’t ovulating on the days that we had planned for our first home insemination, it’s still important to, “introduce Jimmy’s DNA so that Tara’s body is familiar with it.” As it turns out, the body’s natural instinct is to respond to foreign DNA as if it were a bunch of nationalists invading the Capitol. There’s a higher chance of miscarriage or preeclampsia if she were to get pregnant on the first try. So… we are going to introduce Jimmy’s soldiers to Tara’s battlefield this weekend. Except. It’s very likely she’ll be menstruating so introducing them vaginally wont work. Thus, the doctor suggested an oral introduction. The look on my face was absolutely priceless with delight.

Birds and the Bees

  • Or maybe I should say the sperm and the seeds. We learned that it takes about three months for sperm to be fully developed and ready to run. Also, studies have shown that marijuana slows down the sperm and makes them lazy, so if you’re a pot consumer and you’re looking to make a baby, it’s time to cut back. And surprise, surprise, most marijuana studies are conducted on men so there’s not a lot of research on women’s fertility and the uses of marijuana. Which, in all reality, means our whole team is straight edge, for what might seem like forever.

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